Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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