Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
