I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
