Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
