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I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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