And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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