Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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