What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
