I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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