Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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