How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
