Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
