and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
