I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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