I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
