I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
