We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
