i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
