But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
