i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
