Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
