I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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