Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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