we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
The ass gains better be worth it
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