oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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