my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
