dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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