I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
