so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
