another moral hangover. fuck.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
