Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
