The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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