In the future we'll all be gay
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
