I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
