I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
