im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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