That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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