Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Randomize
