Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
