I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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