So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
