I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
