my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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