Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
too bad you live with your parents still
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
