; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
