evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
