I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
