Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
