Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
