He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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