We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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