College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
