feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
