I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
