Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Pants 0. Shit 1.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
