every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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