She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
