the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So squirting runs in the family.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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