she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
