It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
