Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
