I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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