Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
