You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I want to be your penis for a week.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
