First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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