porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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