the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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