My hand turned me down
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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