Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
