when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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