Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
did i just pee glitter
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
