a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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