I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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