They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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