Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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