I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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