Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
