we're chasing vodka with high fives
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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