I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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