There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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