she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
