I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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