so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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