just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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