Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
