just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
